Musing in Manhattan

     Life has been a bit tumultuous for my family and myself the past few months.  Between my husband taking a job that cut his salary in half and myself returning to work to make up the difference, our family has been experiencing a lot of heartache, many obstacles, and quite a few arguments. We have needed to make many changes in our routines and we have had to ”suck it up” and deal with it all because—-well, just because we have to do so.   This has left me mourning for the days where I was able to stay at home with my boys and for the days when my husband and I were actually on the same page about a lot of things.  It amazes me how much the lack of money can really turn a family inside out.  It is also amazing how once we decided that we weren’t go to let the situation define us or beat us that we have grown closer because of it.  I have come to understand why on so many occassions in the Bible it is stated to cast off all of your belongings and that God will restore your wealth (not necessarily money) tenfold.  I have always turned to Prayer to get me through things; and the past few months have been full of contemplative prayer.   More than ever before I can hear God speaking to me and guiding me through the overwhelming sea that has been pulling us under.  More than ever I have felt that things will be okay, no –better than okay.  I know that God will see us through, and that he is seeing us through this.  People go through life asking this same question:  What did I do to deserve this?  when they are faced with a bad situation.  I think the better question is:  What didn’t I do correctly that brought me to this?  Somewhere along the line, we made a mistake, perhaps many mistakes, that brought us to this point. We didn’t listen to ourselves when we said:  “Maybe we shouldn’t eat out, or maybe we shouldn’t spend so much this Christmas.”   We should have settled for a cheaper car, bought less toys for the kids, ate out less, etc etc even though at the time we could afford to do those things.  We didn’t bank on misfortune, we assumed that the money would always be there and when it wasn’t there any longer, we fell into trouble.  –God didn’t bring us to the point of despair, we led ourselves here by not following our rational selves.  We knew better, but we didn’t listen to reason.  Everyone wants to keep up with the Jones’s instead of keeping up Jesus.  Yes, we are living paycheck to paycheck, yes it is very hard, yes it is discouraging, but for once, we are fighting to stay together rather than drifting apart.  We are turning to each other and know that God wants us to succeed.  This too shall pass and soon we will have more time to spend with one another and enjoy the little things rather than looking for external things.  We may be bankrupt in our wallets, but we are rich in God’s eyes and in his kingdom there are many mansions.

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