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Apr 20 2009

A Joke for Tax Time–Very Cute

Published by cherylannenelson under jokes Edit This

President Acts God

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

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Apr 19 2009

Three Women Stranded on an Island–a Joke

Stuck On An Island

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.

For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp. They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says “since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one”

So the brunette goes first, “I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life - I just want to go home.” POOF, she is gone.

The redhead makes her wish, “This place sucks, I want to go home too.” POOF, she
is gone.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, “What is the matter?” The blonde said, “I wish my friends were here.”

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Apr 18 2009

Three Women Leave Work Early–Another Blonde Joke

Going Home Early

There are three ladies working together in the same office - a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. After a while, they begin to notice that each day their boss, who is also female, leaves work early.

After this pattern continued for a few weeks, one day they decide that as soon as their boss takes off they’ll leave right after her; after all, she never comes back or calls so how would she know? So, after their boss takes off they all leave as planned.

The brunette was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting her dinner date. The redhead was thrilled to be home early; she did a little gardening and went to bed early.

As for the blonde, she was so happy to finally come home early for once. But when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house without saying a word.

The next day during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again and asked the blonde if she wanted to go with them.

“NO WAY!” The blonde exclaimed, “I damn near got caught yesterday!”

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Apr 16 2009

WIN One of Three Prizes Over at funforkids.today.com

ariel-butterfly.jpg

Hi all, wanted to let you know that I am running my first contest ever over at my other blog here on today.com.  Ella Bella Hairclippies has graciously donated three clippies for me to give away to my readers.  For your chance(s) to win click over to http://www.funforkids.today.com and find out how to enter.  The contest is running until MAY 1st and you can enter as many times as you would like!  Spread the word to all that you think would like to win an adorable hairclippie for the princess in their lives.  =)

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Apr 15 2009

Thirty Years Makes A BIG Difference

30 Years Difference

What a difference 30 years makes:1973: Long hair
2003: Longing for hair
1973: KEG
2003: EKG

1973: Acid rock
2003: Acid reflux

1973: Moving to California because it’s cool
2003: Moving to California because it’s warm

1973: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2003: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1973: Seeds and stems
2003: Roughage

1973: The Grateful Dead
2003: Dr. Kevorkian

1973: Going to a new, hip joint
2003: Receiving a new hip joint

1973: Rolling Stones
2003: Kidney Stones

1973: Being called into the principal’s office
2003: Calling the principal’s office

1973: Screw the system
2003: Upgrade the system

1973: Disco
2003: Costco

1973: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2003: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1973: AVOIDING acid
2003: Taking antacid

1973: Passing the drivers’ test
2003: Passing the vision test

1973: Whatever
2003: Depends

AUTHOR UNKNOWN–but apparently is up there in his/her age!  LOL

Read more: “Something for Everyone on PNN” - http://cherylannenelson.pnn.com/6583-men-s-room#ixzz0CneqSQ2M&A

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Apr 15 2009

A Nun In A Taxi (A Joke for today)

A Nun In A Taxi

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ”I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.She answers, ‘My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

”Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, ”Well, let’s see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, ”Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!”

The nun says ”OK, pull into the next alley.”

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. ”My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?”

”Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, ”That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”

Read more: “Something for Everyone on PNN” - http://cherylannenelson.pnn.com/6583-men-s-room#ixzz0CnS3IGFT&A

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Jan 03 2009

Jett Travolta dies at age 16

jetttravolta.jpg      Jett Travolta, the 16 year old son of John Travolta and Kelly Preston was found dead on Friday January 2nd in the bathtub of their Nassau, Bahamas home.  It is being reported that the 16 year old hit his head on the bathtub perhaps after or during a seizure.  An autopsy is planned for Monday in order to determine the exact cause of his death. Jett has reportedly a long history of seizures which John Travolta and Kelly Preston attribute to an illness which they say Jett was diagnosed with when he was 2 years old.  The illness is called Kawasaki disease which once a person is diagnosed with, can lead to the inflammation of the blood vessels in young children.  Preston believes that Jett contracted the illness from chemicals in household cleaners and fertilizers.  The couple put Jett through a “detoxification program”   based on the teachings from the “Church of Scientology” which both parents claim helped to improve Jett’s health.    It is not known whether Jett was ever given any medication for his seizures, but most sources believe that because of their scientologist beliefs that medications were not used.  Preston has been photographed at rallies protesting medicating young children.  The Scientology Celebrity Center has declined to comment on anything related to Jett.

      Michael McDermott, John Travolta’s corporate and commercial attorney says that friends and family members are surrounding the couple in the Bahamas and “trying to help in any way” that they can.  He followed up the statement with: “Their pain is so evident.”

      While doing research on the web regarding Jett and his illness I came across MANY articles disputing the fact that Jett suffered from Kawaski syndrome at all.  It is and has been speculated by many people that Jett Travolta was actually autistic.  There were various articles and stories that pointed to John Travolta and Kelly Preston being in denial over their son’s condition.  According to one article I found titled:  ”Hollywood, Interrupted: A Plea From Hollywood: John Travolta-Open Your Heart! dated April 10th 2006, the author stated that Scientology does not “recognize the disability (autism) let alone the myriad of therapies for treating it.”    According to the article, big time clebrities such as Sylvester Stallone and  Dan Marino (who also have children with Autism) are frustrated with what they “perceive as Travolta’s denial stemming from Scientology’s rabid hatred of psychatry and judgement of those with psychological problems as lesser humans respobsible for their own maladies.”  According to the article, admiting that Jett was autistic would be subjecting him to being labeled as a “degraded being” that brought affliction onto himself  as written in the doctrines of Scientology founder   L Ron Hubbard. Admitting that Jett has/had autism would be considered shameful.  

      I certianly do not claim to know what the truth is here.  I have always thought John Travolta was/is a wonderful actor and a really good person at heart.  He seems like a genuine family man and I would hate to think that there is any fiber of truth to the claims that the child had autism and that it was denied by both John Travolta or Kelly Preston.  If this were true, then the poor boy could have had a chance at a normal life with the proper medical care.   Either way, it is a sad day when such a young soul is taken from the world.  My heart goes out to the family.

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Dec 24 2008

The Christmas Shoes

      

      Sunday’s church service was of course a pre-celebration of Christmas with the little ones singing their Christmas songs and doing the sign language along with the verses.  They were just too cute for words.  New this year was the teen element of the performance where the teens put on two Christmas skits–One depicting how teens can get involved in helping the elderly celebrate Christmas and how COOL you really are when you get involved with the true act of giving of your time rather than money.  The second skit was the real tear-jerker.  The teens re-enacted the song:  The Christmas Shoes while the song played behind them.   Picture the bustling department store full of people gathered to make their last minute purchases, all with their lists in hand and holding lots of presents.  Soon after, in walks the poor disheveled boy looking for the perfect and final gift he and his dad would give his dying mother on Christmas Eve.  He looks around for something special and finds what he considers to be the most beautiful shoes he has ever seen.  He proudly waits on line for his turn to pay the cashier, confident that mommy will absolutely love them and that she will be the most beautiful angel when she meets Jesus.   Finally it is his turn and he puts the shoes upon the counter.  He has been saving his pennies for a long time, but still there isn’t enough money.   Crying yet?  The boy tells his story to the cashier and moved by the story a kind soul on line offers the extra money so that he can buy his mom the Christmas shoes.  Excitedly, the little boy walks out of the store with his gift and the knowledge that he will be giving his mom something extra special and you are left feeling guilty but completely humble and so thankful that you have so very much.  This holiday season, forget about the job, the bills, the economy, and all that we can’t fix in an instant.  Put the stress aside and play with the kids and their new toys, hold them close and read them their favorite story, hug a little longer, kiss even when you aren’t under the mistletoe, and say “I love you” and really mean it from the bottom of your heart.  Let everyone know that you are grateful that they are a part of your life.   To my wonderful family and friends–you complete me and make life worth living.   I have been so blessed to have been given such amazing souls to walk this world with. God Bless Everyone today and always!   I love you. 

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Dec 10 2008

To Blog, or Not to Blog…

Well, it has been brought to my attention that one of my blogs found here on the world wide web has not been drawing in massive crowds of people.  Not a surprise to me of course since I have been pretty much missing in action since I began working in Manhattan full time. Sure I get a post in here and there but I have not been able to “network” and “share” or “buzz up” my writing since I began the 9-5 job–which given commute time is actually 8:30 till 8 pm.  I used to be able to surf the net and bring in more traffic, but now, I can’t even get on the computer to post.  I used to be full of ideas, and now I feel like I am just staring out into the abyss.  When I get home from work at 8 pm I slather my 5 and 3 year olds with all the love I have in my heart because I missed them so much all day and then use any left over energy I have to get them ready for bed and for school the next day.  Like a hamster running on his wheel, I am getting no where with my dream of writing.  Like the Titanic, I am just treading water until inevitably the entire ship plunges to the bottom of the frigid ocean floor.  Given the choice, I’d rather write full time, however, blog writing doesn’t pay my mortgage and by the time free-lance writers hear back from publishers regarding their work they (and their children) have already lost 30 pounds because they couldn’t afford to buy groceries.  That being said, I have been working hard as a secretary in the medical field and have thus let my dream of earning a living as a writer (and enjoying my children while they are young in the process of staying home with them and completing said writing) fall off the tall, jaded side of a steep cliff and die a slow agonizing death.   Thanks to the guy who said:  you have to work harder on getting your blogs read you’d make more money.   Gee…why didn’t I think of that?  I get the whole constructive criticism thing–I really do, but must we kick a person when they’re down?  I’m so depressed. 

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Nov 28 2008

Mob of Shoppers Trample Walmart Worker to Death

This morning my mom talked me into taking my boys to BJs to do some very necessary food shopping—my cabinets were so bare they echoed when you screamed ANYTHING IN THERE????   My eldest was crabby but I dragged him out anyway and found that Sunrise Highway was a bit crowded but not terrible.  The entrance into the Green Acres Mall, Wallmart, and BJs shopping area, however, were horrendous.  This didn’t stop us though, we were out so we figured we would see how bad BJs was.  Who the heck goes grocery shopping the day after Thanksgiving anyway?  So we inched our way through the road that takes you around the back of Green Acres and I noticed that Walmart was relatively bare in its parking lot.  My mother said–Wow, Walmart is empty, I guess no one really is food shopping.  I said:  Walmart should be packed though—-they have more than food and everyone packs into Walmart on a regular day.  Why is it so empty?   We inched our way further toward BJs and found that cops were stearing everyone away from the entrance to Walmart and Home Depot and a few of the other stores.  I didn’t really think much of it though.  We got into the lot of BJs found lots of spots and said:  “What the heck lets just get it all over with”.  A few rows into shopping (in an empty BJs!!!) my little one ran infront of our wagon and I said: ”Buddy, you can’t run in-front of the wagon like that, you’ll get squished!”   As I said this, an older woman said:  “Oh my, did you hear what happened this morning in Walmart?”  OF course we said:  “WHAT?”   She proceeded to tell us that when the security officer opened the doors to Walmart this morning the crowd rushed in pushing the doors off the hinges as the man was opening the lock and they trampled over him and he was killed.  AND a pregnant woman was also knocked over and her water broke and she too had to be rushed to the hospital.  TRAGIC!!!  My mother and I stood there in disbelief and we began to talk about how people have just lost the true meaning of Christmas.  I thought to myself, forget about the meaning of Christmas, what about the meaning of humanity.  It is absolutely disgusting what happened today.  I can not believe that people could be so insane as to converge on a store like that.  FOR WHAT?   It is just disgusting.  By Two O’clock the doors to that particular store were open for business again.  IT IS DISGUSTING –ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING that they opened the doors back up.  That store should have stayed closed out of respect for the man that died there today.  That poor man’s family–how awful.   On the news tonight they announced that even as the paramedics were doing CPR on the man people were still shoving past.  What a disgrace.

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